Motherhood, Womanhood, Sexuality PART 2

Click here to read PART ONE

Motherhood is an Ultimate Stage of Womanhood

It took me a long time to figure this out, but motherhood is one of the most defining stages of womanhood. It took me more than a whole year of having a son to realize that having a child made me more womanly than anything ever did before. In a way, being a mother only brings us one step closer to being ultimate women.

Mothers are the women who give life to the next generation. We are the ones who hold the gate and key, we are the hearts and source of survival for children, the people who will take our places one day. Who we are, what we do and how we raise our children, will determine what becomes of the future of our species.

But for some reason, we give more reverence to the woman who might have kids one day, instead of reverencing the women who ensured the future of humanity. We get shamed by idiots who think our stretch marks are gross, hear people gossip about us if we’re “too sexy for a mom”, or are blamed for every problem in the family if we’re a bit more ambitious or career oriented than other moms.

I know that times are changing and women are becoming more powerful, more influential and more capable of embracing all that their humanity has to offer. But the old generations of thinking still lives among us and still inhibits us from being all that we are in society. There are still men who are enraged by the fact that women are being educated, that there are mothers being remarried to form blended families, that a woman can be in the workplace and compete with men for the same positions.

There are still people who think that once you become a mother, you should keep your head down and focus on being a good wife and mother only. Anything else is taboo and detrimental to your child’s upbringing. There are people who think that once you have a baby, you should stop caring about how you look or feel and that “sexy” is no longer an option. There are people who think that being a mother is different from being a woman, because mothers are allowed to do less.

To these things, I call bullshit.

Mothers are potentially the ultimate woman. (I say potentially because there are a lot of mothers who really blow it.) Mothers are like the authors of society. What we put in our children today will unfold the future of our society tomorrow. We are the reason why our species has a tomorrow.

There is not one single person on this planet who is not from a woman’s body. We are all nurtured and grown in the womb of a woman, before she delivers us into the world. Mothers give birth to the future.

Strong Raya

I think it’s silly that we expect women to grow cautious of their sexuality once they have kids, because our sexuality is what allowed us to attract mates and have kids. Our sexuality doesn’t just attract mates, but it makes us appealing to society, in general. In a way, it is a very large part of our survival.

Sexuality should be celebrated most by women who have given birth, rather than by women who have yet to know the fullness of being a woman. Because we know, as mothers, the beauty of life that comes from sexuality. We shouldn’t let those who do not know it, define it for the rest of the world.

But we do. We let sexuality and motherhood be defined by those who are not in our shoes, and we bow our heads in shame if we act out of the stereotype. That, or we angrily oppose it. We let it get to us and let it take our potential, to be ultimate women, away.

Moms forget to think of themselves as people sometimes, much less women.

Our potential to reach our ultimate advancement gets taken away every time we succumb to the idea that mothers have to give up who they are and keep more skeletons in their closet than other people. We don’t wear our true faces or mistakes and histories as proudly as men, we somehow have more to lose. We can’t even talk about our former lovers the same way that men do without inviting the thought, “slut” or “whore” from a listener or eavesdropper.

We don’t take the time to even take care of ourselves properly because we don’t even remember why we used to like being attractive in the first place. Or we feel like we have no reason to. Or no time. We stop treating ourselves as nicely as we used to because we allow ourselves to become these vending machines who serve 24/7. We tell ourselves we’re happy we have kids but then we desperately wish we looked like a woman who didn’t. Then we just hide and keep secrets and suck it up and get through each day. But we don’t live to our full potential because we stop thinking we can.

And I’m not saying we think, “Hey I can’t live to my full potential anymore, I better stop.” No. We’re thinking, “I’ve got to do this, then that, make this, clean that, eat if I can, shower at some point, iron this, pick that up, drop this off, finish that, send him to bathe, tuck her in, prep for tomorrow, etc. I have to overwork myself because I’m a mother and I’m needed.” But we rarely think, “I’m going to reward myself for all of that now. I’m going to just be a girl for a day.” Then, if we do, we still feel guilt, we worry, we think about home life, we worry that too much breast or butt is showing, we worry that people will call us bad moms for taking time for ourselves and we suck the fun out of living even more.

But let me tell you something.

A woman is obligated to be a woman, even more so after he has a child. That woman is the child’s example of the world and how to be in it, and how people are in it. Without the guidance of parents, children are lost.

In this world, sexuality is unavoidable. It is a part of humanity that we can never lose. If we raise our children in bubbles where moms are saints after kids are born, how do they rectify what they see in the real world with what they see at home?

How can you teach them about sexuality if you clearly look like you avoid it completely? They will never take it seriously. If you act like you’re not human, they won’t think you know how to teach them to be. That’s why a woman’s sexuality is even more important after she becomes a mom.

The world is full of sexy and sexualized women. Our kids will look at us and expect us to draw a line of what is acceptable and what is not. If you make all things concerning sexuality unacceptable, you end up with a person who will have every boundary or none.

Think about it like this: Humans have a need for water, just like we have one for sexuality. If you keep a human from water when they are obviously in need of it, they will show no restraint when they finally come into contact with water. They will submerge themselves in it if they can and drink it all it.

The same applies for sexuality and curiosityIf you make it a big, taboo secret in your household and lifestyle, it will only peak their curiosity for it even farther. But having no background to explore it from is like wandering through a territory without a map. If mothers hide their sexuality completely, kids have no idea where to start when they come of the age to explore it themselves.

Mothers are the people who are supposed to write the book on sexuality.

Personally, I think mothers should feel free to express their beauty and show their sexiness through use of their bodies, makeup, accessories, the way they move, the art they create, the things they say and in what they do, period.

A woman is truly a beautiful creature. A woman’s body is an amazing creation. It does deserve admiration and reverence. That’s why we have to teach it to our children first, before the world distorts it or blows it out of proportion. That’s why we have an obligation to embrace our sexuality.

Mothers need to rise to their full potential, in every area of their life, to be all that they can be for their children. That means not being afraid of sexual expression too.


For a while, I struggled with the idea of being an entertainer again after my son was born, because I am a naturally sexy person. I feel like sometimes, when I wear makeup and dress a little nice, I get too sexy and even become paranoid of what others are thinking of me. I was afraid of people judging me for being sexy and being a mom, but that’s over now.

I am a sexy woman, I am a mother and I am example for others to follow. I embrace my beauty, my intelligence and my sexuality and I will use my endowments to create a better life for my son.

As a woman, I am an example of sexuality so that my child and children of the next generation can have a better definition of “sexy” than what exists today. I’m going to teach them how to embrace sexuality and still be good, wholesome people. Because sexuality isn’t bad or taboo, it’s what we’ve been taught to think that is bad and taboo. Sexuality is a part of being human.

Becoming a mother helped me to see the world in a new way, one where I realize that mothers are the most powerful and influential people of all. Now, I embrace my family and keep them close to me. They teach me so much everyday, about myself and about the world.

Now that my son has hit the terrible two’s, I’ve been learning a lot of lessons in patience, understanding and perspective. It’s making me a better person; that’s what motherhood did for me.

Motherhood was the beginning of womanhood for me, and the reason that I appreciate my sexuality even more.

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