Yes, my title is a hashtag. Get over it already. You see that look in my featured pic? That’s me saying, let’s be real here for moment…

These days on instagram and other hashtag-related social media, I’ve been seeing this particular tag a lot. Relationship goals. Yep. We all have them.

But I need to comment on some people’s said goals.

From the time we were kids, we’ve imagined what our ideal partner would be or look like, at one point or another. Do you know what I don’t remember imagining back then when I played those imaginary games? What kind of person I would be in that relationship. I only thought about how he would buy me nice gifts and make me the apple of his eye.

Years later, I learned that this was NOT how relationships work. In fact, relationships often don’t work when there are people involved, who do not know what kind of person they want to be in that relationship. But those same people could often list all of the things they would want in a partner.

The funny thing about it is that the more time you spend trying to make your partner the one you want them to be, the less time you have to make yourself the person you want to be, much less think about it. Sooner or later, you’re personal flaws will be the very thing stifling your partner, who is probably already being crushed under your unreasonable expectations to change according to your taste. But no matter how much you force them to change, you will always be dissatisfied if you live like that.

What I’m trying to say is this: Don’t get into a relationship without first knowing what kind of partner you want to be. Don’t focus on who you want your partner to be. That’s your partner’s job. You can’t make people who you want them to be just to satisfy you. But you will find that if you work on who you want to be, you will be far too satisfied to worry about how your partner¬†could change to please you.

In fact, by working on ourselves while in a relationship, we can actually improve the quality of that relationship. That’s because we’re focused on improving the quality of ourselves and the quality of what we can bring into that relationship.

BOTTOM LINE:The most important thing you can do in a relationship is work to make yourself better, so you can be better for yourself and your partner. Don’t worry about trying to change your partner. Your own growth will inspire them, if they are the right one.